I Just Want to be Happy....

by Kevin Miller

Profile on: Cindy Tompkins, making marriage a priority
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That is the cry Cindy Tompkins hears often from young women today. It is a cry she knows all too well because that is exactly how she felt when she filed for divorce from her husband, John C. Tompkins, over twenty years ago.

Today, John is President and CEO of News Media Corporation, a news service provider with weekly and daily newspapers serving communities across the United States. Back then, he was a 21-year-old entrepreneur entering a business field dominated by men over twice his age. The pressure to succeed was immense, and, like many entrepreneurs, John put in grueling hours to keep the presses rolling at his money-losing newspaper.

What About Me?
While John was sweating over hot ink, Cindy was at home caring for their young children. Needless to say, it was not long before the strain of balancing business and family began to pull the high school sweethearts in opposite directions. As often happens, each blamed the other for the growing rift between them.

“He would come home with struggles, and I was already facing struggles. I wanted him to help, but he was just out to lunch,” says Cindy.

Meanwhile, she was so wrapped up in the children that John felt abandoned by her. He felt she did not care about what he was going through to put bread on the table. As Cindy puts it, she could not focus on him, and he could not focus on them.

Eventually, Cindy became so unhappy she filed for divorce. Cindy was raised to believe divorce was wrong. But at that point, she did not see any other way to escape her situation. John protested Cindy’s decision at first. But when he realized she was serious, he complied with her wishes and moved out.

Even though Cindy saw being on her own as the ticket to happiness, it was not long before she began to regret her decision. After leaving John, her eyes were opened to the destruction leaving him could cause, especially for their children. She realized she had made a terrible mistake:

“I knew down deep that it was not God’s will for us to break up. At the same time, I was afraid to go back, because I thought everything would be the same.”

Despite her fears, the desire to please God finally won out.

Seeking Help and Hope
Reunited geographically if not in spirit, John and Cindy sought help from the church. During the time their marriage was falling apart, they had pulled back from other Christians. Now they saw the church as the only hope for rescuing their floundering relationship.

Getting back into church life also reawakened Cindy’s interest in the Bible:

“I had been a Christian for my entire life, but I was not a Bible reader,” says Cindy. “After I got back together with John, I realized my mind had to change. And the only way to change it was to get into the Word.”

One Bible verse that became particularly real for Cindy during this time was Jeremiah 29:11:

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’.”

She pinned her hopes for their marriage on this promise.

Contributing to Others’ Happiness
As Cindy read the Bible, she also began to realize that her unhappiness was not caused by John or anyone else. It was a result of seeking to fulfill her own selfish desires rather than giving herself to God, her husband and her family. Over time, Cindy’s focus shifted from her own happiness to how she could contribute to the happiness of others. Through this process, she finally found the happiness for which she had been longing.

“The world’s love is all about taking, but God’s love is all about giving. Part of renewing my mind involved learning what love really is. I realized that in my desire to escape our marriage, I wasn’t loving anyone. I was just looking out for my own needs.”

Cindy believes this is a primary reason why so many young couples break up. Either they are only looking out for themselves or they are looking for love in the wrong places.

“Often, we look to our mates to complete us, but only God can fill that emptiness we all feel but try to fill with other things, such as our mate,” says Cindy.

“Our mates can’t make us happy. They are often struggling themselves. True happiness comes from our relationship with God. Too often you see two ‘half people’ looking for the other half to make them whole. I don’t think that is what God intended. Ideally, marriage should be about two whole people coming together.”

Ongoing Work-in-Progress
Although the crisis of divorce is now twenty years behind them, Cindy and John realize that working on their marriage is an ongoing process.

“Like everyone, we still have struggles, but I look at them differently now. We know we are in this for the long haul. There is no ‘plan B’. God’s presence has been faithful to help us through the tough times, and now we see the fruit of that decision in our lives and in our children.”

With their children grown and doing well, the couple is thankful they chose to stay together.

“Your mind is not on your children or anything else when you’re so fixed on your own happiness,” says Cindy. “True happiness does not come from trying to please yourself. It only comes from God.”

And God has been faithful to keep the promise He gave Cindy twenty years ago, ‘to give them a hope and a future’. John and Cindy will celebrate their 31st wedding anniversary this December.

Do you “just want to be happy”? If so, why don’t you ask Jesus what true happiness looks like? If you do not know Jesus, we encourage you to pray the following:

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life and receive You as my Savior and Lord. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Take control of my life. Make me be the person You want me to be.

Is it the desire of your heart to make this prayer yours?

If yes, pray now and according to his promise, Jesus Christ will come into your life.